What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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