I think I am morally bankrupt
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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