so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
