In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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