just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
