I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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