I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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