i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
