is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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