Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay

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  (703): I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay http://tfl.nu/jcra
  Replies (18) Good night (658) Bad night (6110)
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  (831): View more from California

  I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.

  (1-831): View more from California

  Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable

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  (831): I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines. (1-831): Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable http://tfl.nu/f2l0
  Replies (15) Good night (3442) Bad night (682)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?

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  (785): Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them? http://tfl.nu/f0lg
  Replies (137) Good night (808) Bad night (2743)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.

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  (307): mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her. http://tfl.nu/aq8k
  Replies (11) Good night (6642) Bad night (1049)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?

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  (419): I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat? http://tfl.nu/2nrh
  Replies (30) Good night (1206) Bad night (4238)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you

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  (717): When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you http://tfl.nu/09i6
  Replies (3) Good night (3010) Bad night (1609)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.

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  (801): I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine. http://tfl.nu/flen
  Replies (6) Good night (3718) Bad night (912)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.

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  (801): Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away. http://tfl.nu/018f
  Replies (8) Good night (1651) Bad night (778)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?

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  (405): Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card? http://tfl.nu/2f9h
  Replies (8) Good night (1810) Bad night (1016)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..

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  (678): there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub.. http://tfl.nu/f53v
  Replies (4) Good night (1273) Bad night (592)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?

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  (941): When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights? http://tfl.nu/va6d
  Replies (7) Good night (733) Bad night (914)
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  (818): View more from California

  end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin

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  (818): end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin http://tfl.nu/ky3g
  Replies (4) Good night (1269) Bad night (432)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.

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  (740): No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock. http://tfl.nu/8vp6
  Replies (2) Good night (1036) Bad night (549)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.

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  (402): I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween. http://tfl.nu/gen2
  Replies (1) Good night (562) Bad night (293)
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  (707): View more from California

  We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.

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  (707): We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing. http://tfl.nu/w523
  Replies (2) Good night (701) Bad night (166)

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