Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
not ubering you a puppy
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.