genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.