First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
