i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!