He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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