Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
