I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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