"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
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then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
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Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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