I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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