the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
