I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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