White coat. Heels.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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