If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
