capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
