There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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