If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
