drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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