you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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