I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
