I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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