the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
