Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize