i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize