Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think I sprained my soul last night
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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