guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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