So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
