i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
