Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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