I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
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Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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