i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
