the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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