For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
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Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
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WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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