She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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