But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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