you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
