Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
