Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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