This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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