i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
