You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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