I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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