you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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