He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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