i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
