dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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