i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
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stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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