this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
