she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
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When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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