i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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