I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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