After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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