Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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