the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
