Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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