I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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