You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
