His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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