I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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