Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
